Top Chef, Season 6, episode 4

TWO cheftestants gone in ONE episode? Mon dieu! Figures that they were two folks I actually liked. Mind you, I didn't think either one of them would make it to the finals (my money's on Kevin--go, chubby nerds!), but I was still sad to see them go, especially Hector. I liked seeing SOMEONE out there representing mi gente, ju know?

The episode was all about French food, a cuisine I actually don't know very much about, other than it includes lots of delicious butter. And wine of all kinds. Num. Any cuisine that likes that much butter and wine is okay by me. I thought that the challenge of pairing a sauce-making contestant with an entree-making contestant was a clever way to pair off the chefs.

But let's back up a second: eliminating someone after a quickfire challenge? Craaa-zy! They haven't done that before, and I'm not sure how I feel about the tactic. Although I guess if you can't make a stellar dish in such a brief period of time, maybe you shouldn't be there. And Jesse had been on the bottom of nearly every challenge since the series began, so maybe it was time for her to go. She seemed like her heart wasn't really into it. I did like her, though, especially because she seemed to like using eggs, even though every time Jeremy saw her he said, "Take that fucking shit out of your face!"

And let's talk about the fact that THE FRENCHMAN was in the bottom! Oh my lordy, you are FRENCH. You grew up eating and making this stuff. And you fucked up a challenge cooking FRENCH FOOD. Because of too much BACON! Now I am usually of the opinion that there is no such thing as too much bacon, but clearly the pros disagreed with me. But then again, I don't really know very much about French food, regrettably, other than the butter and wine thing. And also eating creatures like frogs and snails. (Although I think things in shells are generally pretty yummy.)

But Matin was spared, and instead Hector went home, for his poorly cooked meat. Poor boricua couldn't get a break. First the judges harshed on his realm because they had no idea that Latinos fry everything, including steaks. And now they're like, boo, you can't cook a steak. Alas. I do admire the fact that he's representing by wearing a guayabera in his exit photo. But seriously---Top Chef needs some more diversity. Now it's just a bunch of white folks, who all slightly resemble each other, and one large, jovial Haitian man. Why aren't there more Latinos? Why are there hardly ever Asians on this show? WTF?

And seriously, WTF are ramps? Ramps? Why was everyone making food with ramps? Aren't those the things that people use to roll wheeled things up and down into buildings and buses? What do ramps have to do with food? Ramps are, apparently, a wild onion, like a stronger-flavored leek.  Thank you, Top Chef, for teaching me new things! (Or at least for forcing me to go on the interwebs to learn new things.)

Hector, I salute you! Never doubt yourself in the future when you deep-fry a steak! Never!

CHEFTESTANT FAIL #4! Y NUMERO CINCO!

Incredible and edible and scrambled

Eggs! Some people love them, some people hate them. Me, I fall into the former camp. (Jeremy sadly falls into the latter camp, but alas! I guess you love the one you love, faults and all, and yes, not loving eggs is a fault in my book, but one that I can learn to overlook.) But it is only in the past couple of years that I have really begun to learn all the ways one can really do well by an egg.

Folks of Spanish descent love eggs. One of the most widespread and beloved dishes in Spain is tortilla. I'm not talking about flat dough rounds made of flour or corn, I'm talking about the one-inch-thick disk of egg/potato (oftentimes onion) goodness that is cut into wedges and eaten hot or cold (more often cold). Think of a really thick omelet. A pillow of luxurious egg goodness. When I was visiting with family in Spain, my aunts would pack tortillas for us to snack on while on outings at the rocky coastal beaches of Asturias. They were thick, packed with protein and carbs, just a touch oily, and true perfection. People who go to the beach without a tortilla are missing out. This is probably the best article I've found on how fabulous a Spanish tortilla is and just how to make one. My mother happens to have the very plate they speak of that is made especially for flipping tortillas. It's a big ceramic platter with a knob in the center. It's fabulous. I need to get a large enough frying pan so that I can start making Spanish tortillas (and French omelets too, now that I think of it).

So thanks to genetics, I've got egg yolks coursing through my veins, but for years I was subjecting eggs to sheer abuse under the guise of cooking them. One of my favorite egg dishes (and one of the simplest and most satisfying, I think) is scrambled eggs. I was full of myself. I thought there was nothing easier than cooking a scrambled eggs. I never bothered to read just how to properly cook a scrambled egg, and as a result, it is only recently that I've begun to really properly cook and appreciate them.

When I first made scrambled eggs, I'd overwhip the egg into a frothy frenzy, dump cheese into the mixture, then I'd turn the burner all the way to high, heat up far too much oil, and dump the egg mixture in. The result was a nearly instantaneous cooking of the eggs into a slightly browned, solid rubbery maw with unmelted chunks of cheese. I didn't know any better, so I ate them. Oh, how much I was missing out on! How little I knew!

Now I know, thanks to Mark Bittman and Julia Child, that you can't rush a good thing---especially a scrambled egg. I just made a pair of scrambled eggs this morning and they were glorious. The key to a good scrambled egg is time. You must cook it over very low heat. For 2 scrambled eggs, I add a small pat of butter to a small frying pan and turn the heat on as low as it goes. As the butter slowly melts, I crack two eggs into a bowl and combine them with a fork until they are just blended---no frenzy of whipping anymore. Then I add a dash of milk and a bit of salt and pepper, and then gently combine it all with the fork. Once the butter is melted, I pour the mix into the pan, which does not radiate nuclear-level heat like my cooking method of days of yore, but which is just hovering between warm and the first whispers of being hot.

At first, nothing happens. The egg mixture just sits there in its liquid glory and you stare back at it like, how will this yellow mess ever become something worth eating? Stir it once or twice with a spoon. Nothing. Liquid. Wait a few ticks. Stir it again. Wait. Stir. And again. And then you will see that tiny curds are starting to form in the midst of the mess. Stir it again. More curds. Continue to stir rather frequently, slowly and gently, keeping the egg mix moving, scraping any egg that sloshes onto the sides of the pan into the center. As the curds start to form, but while there is still some liquidy egg left in the pan, add some shredded or crumbled cheese to the mix if desired. I've found that this is a good time to add the cheese so that it will melt and integrate with the eggs. Then you just keep stirring and stirring, which will keep the eggs moving and cooking evenly so you don't get any areas of burny, rubbery horror. I like my scrambled eggs to be on the very soft, slightly moist side, so once all the egg mixture has become solid and piles up into a soft mound, I'm done. But you keep stirring till they're at just the point you want them to be at.

Yes, this process takes much longer than my original flash in a pan cooking, but it's so much more luxurious. It honors the humble little egg. The wait is worth it. The eggs are creamy and rich and so eggy---a far cry from the sad, dry, rubbery mess from my early bachelorette days. If I had to pick a favorite food, first I'd cry. Then I'd ask if I could pick a few favorite foods. Then I'd make sure eggs were on that list.

Top Chef, Season 6, episode 3

Pasta salad?

Really?

Pasta salad.

You're in a cooking competition called TOP CHEF and you make PASTA SALAD??

"Hello, my name is pasta salad, and I'm completely uninspired, and uninspiring, and usually made by mere mortals with more dexterity and grace than the one executed on last night's show."




O.M.G!

So the challenge yesterday was to make a meal to feed 300 people using the rather paltry pantry and minimal equipment at a military base hangar thingy kitchen. And the fact that Preeti and Laurine thought they could just throw together a pasta salad of disparate elements is just odd. Odd! I know they didn't have that much to work with, and I know they wanted to make a vegetarian dish, but honestly, pasta salad? How much more mediocre-recipe-out-of-Ladies Home Journal could you get? Maybe Preeti being eliminated was the universe's way of getting back at her for blanching her asparagus in Ashley's boiling gnocchi water. At least Laurine had the good sense to admit that she knew it wasn't a good dish and that it sucked. I thought it was lame that Preeti tried to bring up the fact that it was inappropriate to serve clam chowder on a hot summer day. Maybe so, lady, but at least the chowder was GOOD. Your dish was BAD.

I like that the two top dishes going against each other were pork-based though. And I thought Hector and Robin's dish of chili looked delicious! (God, I love me some beans.) I hope Hector goes far. I think he is charming and I love that there's a Latin element cooked by (gasp!) a real Latino. I also love Kevin and Eli, the two chubby nerds. I love me some nerds!

At least Jennifer didn't have an occasion to mispronounce the word "ceviche" on this episode. That was a pleasant element. Everything else about her is not pleasant. Except her attitide to kick Mike's misogynistic ass. That I like.

 

CHEFTESTANT FAIL #3! 

(Trow your hands in the air, wave 'em like you don't care... or have a clue.)

Never apologize... even for garlic

So I recently made a batch of arugula pesto. (Using my handy-dandy, just-taken-out-of-the-box Magic Bullet of course.) I had some wilting arugula in the fridge and I didn't want it to go to waste, so I threw it together with pine nuts, lemon juice, parm cheese, garlic, and olive oil in the Magic Bullet and processed away.

Well. I was a little short on the arugula. Like probably a cup short. And I wasn't thinking and just threw the 3 cloves into the mix. And the end product was really rather garlicky. I tossed in some extra salt and stirred in some extra olive oil, which helped cut back on the garlic, but it was like taking a cup of water out of the ocean. It helped, but not much.

But whatever! It's all good. Jeremy and I happen to love garlic, so despite leaving us with garlic breath for hours and hours, we enjoyed it. We just found that we didn't have to put quite so much on our linguine as if it were less garlicky pesto.

And by the way, if you melt a little butter and drizzle it over the linguine before stirring in the pesto.... mmmm. Magnificent! Really, what isn't made better with butter?

Cooking as life saver

I went to see Julie and Julia with my dear friend Emily on Sunday (it was the perfect date!) and it was really a charming movie. I read the book, which I thought was decent, but the movie was really lovely and brought things to life. Meryl Strep did such a great job. I think seeing it on the big screen made it easier to get the parallel stories of the two women's lives. And it made me hungry. But I think the thing I liked best about it was watching these two women find meaning and peace in their lives through food. Things weren't always easy or pleasant for them, and things didn't always go their way. They had obstacles and challenges. But through it all, they knew that they could just go into the kitchen, whip some ingredients together, and get pleasing results, and that constancy was a comfort for them, just as it's a comfort for me.

Lately my life has seemed rather volatile and unsettled, and like maybe it's not moving in the right direction, and like maybe it's not quite right. And during this time I've discovered what a sanctuary my kitchen can provide. Working in there, usually with Jeremy by my side, I find peace and truly do feel content. I feel like I am doing something right. I find it fulfilling to know that I can coax something delicious and nourishing out of ingredients that started out as one thing and ended up as another. And that if you fuck something up, it's okay, you can either fix it or start over and it's not hard and it's not the end of the world. The physical transformations that happen when you cook also transform something in you while you do it. Cooking and baking bring me calm and give me perspective.

I know this sounds new age-y, but I genuinely do mean it. Cooking lately has been of utmost importance to me, and I have nothing but love and respect for others who feel the same way. Thank you, Julia, thank you, Jose Andres, thank you, Mark Bittman--you've taught me to love it through your love. Can't think of anything better to love!

I like tomatoes! (and gazpacho)

I busted out the Magic Bullet for the first time in 3 years last night for... gazpacho.

Yes, I've owned a Magic Bullet for 3 years (got one right before moving to Boston) and for 3 years I never even took it out of the box. Now I feel like I should be on an infomercial because I find myself wondering how I ever got by without it. Yes, I had to make the gazpacho in batches, because admittedly the Bullet doesn't have a high capacity. But it works so fast, and made such quick work out of things that it was worth it to blend the soup in small batches.

We decided to make gazpacho from Jose Andres's cookbook, which calls for a particular brand of sherry that I hunted for and found at the Liquor World near my office---a particular brand of sherry that happened to set me back $25. Dios mio! At least the recipe calls for a scant quarter-cup of the stuff, so we'll be making batches of gazpacho with this stuff for a while.

But oh! What a difference a sherry makes! This gazpacho was amazing stuff. Jose calls for straining it, but I actually like the chunks in my soup, so it was perfection. It was tangy from the vinegar (we used red wine vinegar), and the sherry added a luxurious taste to it. And of course, this being a recipe by Jose Andres, it was full of olive oil, which just made it all the tastier. And you really do have to add the little cut-up tomatoes and thin-sliced cucumbers (which I sliced paper-thin, thanks to the mandolin slicer I bought this weekend on a whim), and the cubes of bread toasted in olive oil. We used a roasted garlic artisan loaf from Shaw's that's pretty tasty. (Shaw's has a surprisingly good bakery.) Our soup turned out more orange than pink because the market was out of green bell peppers and we used an orange one. Still delicious though. Very refreshing, and surprisingly filling. I definitely recommend trying this one out. It's simple and satisfying. To know that such a fine soup hails from my homeland makes me proud to be a Spaniard!

Top Chef, season 6, episode 2

Gosh, I'm so behind on this thing! A lot has been going on lately (not all of it good)---and a lot of cooking, which has been good.

First off: Top Chef. Squeaking in here barely under the wire. So the second episode--it wasn't too hard to predict that stupid Eve would get kicked off. She barely survived the first cut as it was. Honestly, that woman was just so incredibly bland that I'm glad she was the second to go. I don't think she had anything interesting to say or do. Sometimes I wonder how these people get on the show, because this season has a really strong cast. Do they purposely pick one or two morons or unextraordinary people just so they have an easy time of it during the first couple of cuts?

(And PS, Eve's restaurant is called.... Eve. Seriously?) 

I was sad to see Jesse do so poorly again because I really like her, but right now I am just doubting that she'll last pretty long.

Also, it REALLY irritates the shit out of me that Jennifer pronounces the word ceviche as "say-VEECH." Bitch, it's "say-VEE-chay"! Say it right or stop making it!

And I just have to say that while I am sympathetic with Ashley's points about gay marriage (let gays get married, I say!), I thought it was odd that she kept bringing up the fact that she was angry that the challenge was to cook for a heterosexual couple's bachelor/bachelorette party. I think she needed to just remove the theme of the event from the forefront of her mind and just focus on the food. Honestly, there's no reason to get pissed for Top Chef choosing something traditional as a challenge theme. How many chefs and caterers will have customers and clients in that very same situation, and will these customers/clients be refused service because of their situation? That's unprofessional. I just think that political and personal beliefs should have been kept out of the challenge (and this show as a whole--it's focused on food, not life issues). There's a time and place for them, and it's not on Top Chef.

CHEFTESTANT FAIL #2! (and holy shit, that's a LOT of make-up she has on! Compare her face to her neck! And arms!)