Running of the Brides: Exploring my Bridentity

On Friday, I went to the Running of the Brides, an event where sample bridal dresses are sold to the general public at a steep discount. The doors open at 8 am, and while some people are crazy enough to line up for hours prior just to get to run in and grab dresses first, I couldn't stomach this thought and waited to go around noon with a gal from the Offbeat Bride Tribe. The place was much emptier and calmer by then.

Why did I go? I'm not quite sure. From the start of the wedding-planning process, I haven't thought of myself as white gown material and haven't yet set foot in a bridal salon. Dress shopping has mostly consisted of ogling things online and trying on fancy dresses at department stores. In fact, sometimes I've worried that I'd end up like Carrie Bradshaw, who breaks out into hives when she tries on a wedding dress and has to be ripped out of it because she can't breathe. And yet I still felt drawn to go to this event, partly because I was curious and partly because I can't resist a bargain. I figured if nothing else, I'd meet a new friend, I'd get to try on different dress styles and see what looked best on my body, and hey, maybe I could find a plain off-white dress with a floaty skirt that lent itself to colorful embellishment by a seamstress.

My experience was interesting (and thankfully did not involve hyperventilation or hives, though I was quite nervous in the hours leading up to it) but ultimately disappointing. There weren't that many dresses in larger sizes. Many were size 10 or 12--but keep in mind that bridal dress sizes are larger than street clothes sizes because street clothes are vanity sized. So since I'm a 16 in real life (and yes, I am putting my real clothing size out there because SIZE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER AND SHOULD NEVER DICTATE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF! I am not ashamed of my size and never will be again, and you shouldn't be either, ever--you are amazing as you are!), I need a size 18 or larger in a bridal gown. Well, there were slim pickings for us zaftig girls. I don't know if there were just less larger dresses to begin with (my suspicion--the clothing industry is not kind to women with curves) or if all the curvy women came early and snatched everything up, but when I was there, it was hard to find things I'd fit into.

Also a problem was that many of the dresses, whether or not they were in my size, were sort of weird-looking or just plain ugly. Some of these made for fun as we tried them on and modeled them for each other. My companion tried on a polyester-type dress that had pink and white VELOUR floral accents on it. Yes, you read that right: VELOUR. It had a detachable train, with more velour accents, and a giant pink velour butt bow. Amazing!

 My dress is made of 100% Nana's couch!

I tried on a two-piece ensemble and had the first-time pleasure of being laced into a corset top. I felt like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. It doesn't show as much in this photo, but it was VERY gold--like shiny-like-foil gold. This photo is much more subdued and doesn't do the dress justice.

It's golden, baby! Oh so very GOLDEN.

Of the dresses that did fit me, a few had silhouettes that were quite flattering on my body and that I didn't dislike, but none of the dresses spoke to me. I didn't feel at all like a bride in them; I didn't feel comfortable in them. No matter how well they fit or how lovely they were, I just didn't feel like myself in any of them. They weren't true to who I am. The long trains and the white, the sea of white--just not for me. I showed Jeremy a photo of a dress that was flattering on me and he said, "That's the kind of dress a mom would want to see her daughter in."

If the photographer has to urge you to smile, you know the dress isn't for you.

I'm having a real struggle with the dress portion of our wedding. I think it's where I'm feeling the most disconnect between fantasy and reality. I'm having a lot of trouble seeing myself as a bride. I can envision myself as a wife, and this thought actually brings me a lot of happiness and fulfillment, because I am looking forward to being one half of Team Tridal officially. But I haven't quite incorporated the role of bride into my current identity--it doesn't feel like a part of who I am right now. I think that's why I felt a little let down after I got home from this event--or maybe I should be secretly rejoicing, who knows. I just could not identify with this part that I shared in common with all the other women in that room--a bride.

I seem so much NOT a bride. The woman dressed up in white with a veil and presented to her groom--it's so very much not who I am. It's so antithetical to everything about me. I am independent, vivacious, bold, loud, colorful, and in this white dress, I felt squelched, like I needed to be meek and smiling sweetly and faking innocence. I felt like I was shrinking into a shell of myself. The dress felt like a costume for a role in a play I did not want. I want to throw away that script and start over. I want to rewrite things my way, so they fit with who I actually am and what my real role is within this relationship, this wedding, this marriage. The white dress doesn't fit with any of that. In it, I felt imprisoned and subdued.

On my wedding day, I don't really want to be a bride is what this ultimately comes down to. I just want to be me, on a day when I happen to be marrying my dearest friend and entering into a partnership of husband and wife. I want to look beautiful, which Jeremy has assured me I will, no matter what I wear. I want to wear something that celebrates ME: me as an individual, as who I am before the wedding and who I will be after it. Me, all of me, the parts that make me an individual, the things that make me strong and weak, the good and the bad--but it must all be real. I don't want anything inauthentic about this day; I do not want to step into this marriage not feeling completely at home in my own skin and whatever it is I chose to wear on my skin. So even though my experience at Running of the Brides was probably rather different from what many women think of when they envision a white dress--romance, excitement, beauty--it did at least help affirm for me that I am absolutely not a white dress kind of gal. And I am 110% okay with that.

All aboard the crazy train.

It takes two to wed

Weddings are women's work.

Bullshit.

I'm not going to delve too deeply into all the implications behind society's assumption that the woman takes charge of planning all the details of "the most important day of her life" while the groom sits back, scratching himself, drinking beer, and showing up when he needs to, feigning interest when his bride shows him samples of stationery or centerpiece ideas. There is so much wrong with the assumption that this is the most important day of a woman's life--shouldn't it be the most important day of the COUPLE'S LIFE? Since they're in it together? There is also the implication that men are clueless and only women are intelligent enough to piece together the hundreds of insane details a wedding entails. There is also the implication that all these hundreds of insane details are important, nay essential, to a wedding. There is also the implication that every woman has a natural predilection to be OMG AMAZING at planning a wedding.

There is also a huge emphasis placed on the wedding, with scant attention paid to the fact that the wedding is only the first day of something more important: a MARRIAGE.

I am not one of those girls who grew up dreaming of her wedding. I always thought vaguely about it, like, Oh, I would like it to be a fun party, or Oh, I would like a dress I can walk in that doesn't have its own gravitational pull, or Oh, having different kinds of cake would be nice (in fact, in recent years, the only thing I've thought extensively about is the baked goods and other foods to feature at the wedding). But when it came time to start planning and people started asking me what I wanted to do (What's your color scheme? How many bridesmaids will you have? What kind of centerpieces? How will you wear your hair?), I answered with a resounding WTF. You mean people actually THINK about this stuff when they're not enmeshed in the actual process of planning a wedding? WTF indeed.

So I commenced planning with a slightly panicked, slightly worried, slightly fuck-you-wedding-industry-complex mentality: unsure of what I was getting myself into but hopeful that I'd come out on the other end still breathing, with my sanity mostly intact, and with a day that reflected who we are that people enjoyed. What came as a hugely pleasant surprise (and relief, and delight) is just how lucky I am to have a groom who actually gives a shit about his wedding.

Yes... my fiance not only gives a shit about his wedding, he's actually enthusiastic about it. He actually wants to help. He has actually taken ownership of the fact that this is a day about BOTH of us. He is excited to help put together a fun and special day that will signal the beginning of our marriage. I think part of the reason this feels like a fun thing and not a dreadful thing is that we're somewhat offbeat. We are planning to do things that feel right to us and are scrapping those that don't make sense to us as individuals and as a couple. Jeremy looks forward to writing a ceremony and vows together, assembling the AV equipment we'll need for our sound system, creating a music play list, shopping around for his threads, designing the invitation, adding things to our registries, helping with some of the DIY crafty stuff. I recently bought some clay so I can try making our cake toppers, and he wants to help. Re-read that: HE WANTS TO HELP ME MAKE CLAY PENGUINS, because he thinks it will be fun. OMFG! I even said that I was unsure if I wanted to go to the Running of the Brides event (later in the day, after the running), because I didn't know if there would be anyone to go with me and I couldn't stomach the thought of going alone, and he said that he would go with me. OMG! What groom WANTS to go clothes shopping for himself, let alone for his bride, given that he could be spending that afternoon having a beer and relaxing after work? And yet this wonderful, loving, patient man has offered to go to a giant room full of sample gowns in disarray and help me. I don't think that I'll take him up on that offer, simply because I think I might not go at all, but that right there to me is love, and just one of the many daily reminders I have of how fortunate I am to be in this kind of a partnership.

I suspect that there are actually more men out there who care about their own weddings that it appears, but because the wedding industry complex has shoved so much excess down our throats, and because it puts such pressure on us to have a perfect day, and because it has succeeded in targeting the bride, grooms have effectively been alienated to the point of being practically an afterthought. I suspect that most men out there don't give a rat's ass about a monogrammed napkin, and on further inspection, I'm sure most brides out there don't either. But they're pressured to think that they MUST have them by this giant, money-making beast that seems to justify exorbitant spending by offering the rather ridiculous "justification" that "This is YOUR special day, your most important day! Anything less than perfection is unacceptable!"

If couples sat down together at the beginning of the planning process and discussed what each person wants, and then brainstormed to find a creative, individualized way to bring that vision into reality, I have a feeling far more grooms would get really into planning the party. (Or at least some aspects of it.) If more couples focused on what THEY WANT, rather than what they are SUPPOSED to want, I think there would be a lot more unique, individualized, memorable weddings out there. And a lot more happy couples in the months leading up to the wedding.

During this whole process, I have never felt I was planning my wedding; we've been planning ours. I've gotten opinions on everything from Jeremy and we have come to decisions together. I've even scrapped some of the ideas I had because Jeremy didn't like them. I don't want to do anything on our day that will upset him, because why should I? It's not just my day, it's his day too. I have no right to turn into a raving bitch because I'm a bride. I am marrying one half of a whole, and I plan to keep it that way all during the planning process. And all the way through our marriage, every single day. In fact, even though I am looking forward to our wedding, I'm looking forward to the day after it even more, and each day after that even more, because I truly believe every day our marriage together will only get better and better.

"You are the butter to my bread. The breath of my life."

- Paul Child to Julia Child

The freelancer's new clothes, or, how I've unexpectedly started saving money

One of the unexpected benefits of working from home, especially for a gal on a budget, is that I haven't bought new clothes in months. I think the last time I got something was in December, when I was at my parents' house and got 3 sweaters to keep at their house for when I travel there, to avoid suitcase bulk, and a cardigan for when (if!) the weather ever gets balmy enough that I can shed my puffy coat. And in January I bought one long-sleeved thermal shirt, accidentally a size too big, that I wear around the house (see next paragraph re: heating).

I don't tend to work in pajamas--in fact, I make myself get up and at 'em and wear real clothes even though I'm working at home--but since there's no one else to see me, my outfits tend to be older, dingier pants that would make me look like a schlump if I wore them out and would otherwise have long ago gone to Goodwill but which are fine for wearing in the house, and regular long-sleeved T-shirts, along with a hoodie or sweatshirt over it for warmth. (Because as a gal on a budget in a home where heat is gas-powered and not included in rent, alas, I keep the temperature at a steady 60 degrees in the house and just wear layers, slippers, and fingerless hand warmers. Occasionally I will plug in the space heater if it's really bad. Cheap? I prefer to think of it as frugal. We *are* saving for a wedding after all! And trying to save the earth.)

I'm no fashionista in regards to my personal style, preferring comfort to trends, and when I worked in an office that required leaving the house and being among people each day, I did at least wear somewhat cuter and classier outfits. But I was never super dressy, because it was a casual environment (think lots of jeans) and I'm not a morning person. Putting together an adorable outfit was just not in the cards for me--I tended to oversleep most every morning to the point where I flew out the door to the bus stop with my jewelry in my hand, putting it on while sitting on the bus that inevitably pulled up mere moments after I dashed across the street. But at least I did more or less put together outfits. And in order to keep my wardrobe fresh and updated, I did tend to get items of clothing more regularly when I was still working outside the house--not out of need, necessarily, mostly out of desire. Now I haven't really bought much since I started this job in July. I'm overdue for a new pair of jeans or two, but other than that, I can't really think of much I need. Want is a different story of course, but even that is sort of fading a bit the more I think about it. Wanting some new outfits pales when I think of other things I want, like a lovely wedding and savings for an eventual house.

Being on track to saving for a big event later this year has definitely made me reconsider certain things that I don't consider totally necessary. Do I really need to replenish my wardrobe with every new season? Certainly not. As I mentioned above, I don't usually go for trendy clothing so a lot of things I have are pretty basic: solid-colored shirts, blouses, and sweaters, boot-leg pants (which will never go out of style, and which I will never, ever trade in for skinny jeans, because a woman with a badonk should never wear skinny jeans), a few basic knee-length skirts that I can mix and match with the tops. And I'm set with shoes too. Another benefit of working from home: your shoes don't wear out as quickly. I might get a new pair of sneakers this year if my current ones wear out, but other than that, I'm good.

Knowing that we have a big, meaningful expense coming up later this year really makes me think more carefully about each "frivolous" purchase we make. Will we keep the extra cable channels or nix them? (Still up for debate.) Do we really need to order out tonight, or can we make do with what's in the fridge? (See Tuesday's entry on using up bits from the fridge.) Can I wait to see that movie 2 weeks after it comes out, so I can use some discount movie tickets I have, or even wait till it's on On Demand, so I can save some cash? Do I really need to buy that new book or album? (The Boston Public Library has been an absolute godsend in that regard; their collection is extensive and amazing and practically every single thing I've wanted has been there, down to the Arcade Fire album I really wanted but didn't want to pay for.) I know certain aspects of life would be a lot easier with a car, but can we really afford the cost of the car, cost of insurance, cost of gas, cost of maintenance, and cost of parking? (Not unless we move out of the city, which I am not willing to do.)

We're not broke or dirt-poor, but we are living in an expensive city and need to be aware of the choices we make. Not only does it save money, it's also less wasteful in the long run and keeps the sheer amount of stuff we have down to a more minimal amount. Do I really need to buy a novel I'll only read once, or buy a dozen more wedding idea books I won't need next year? Do I really need to get another fancy top for a nice evening out when we don't go on that many fancy evenings out and the tops I already have will do? Of course not. And in some ways, it's been sort of fun to get creative and find ways to do more with less.

Have you recently cut back on certain "unnecessary" expenses in your life? Are you trying to reduce how much stuff you have for other, nonbudgetary reasons? I want to know! Dish!

Back to the blog again

It's been two months since I last updated this, and I haven't written since then for a number of reasons. I was pretty busy over the holidays, we had some things to deal with at work and we're only getting busier, I've been doing some volunteer and freelance work on top of it, and I've also been doing some wedding planning work. Not to mention doing a bit of experimenting in the kitchen. And dealing with a rather bad case of the doldrums, or winter blues. But these aren't the only things that have been keeping me from writing. For a while there, I just didn't really feel like indulging in the openness that blogging entails. I felt like insulating myself, like turning inward and just sort of staying put, physically and emotionally.

There's also been something else holding me back from blogging. Obviously one of the things that will increasingly take up more and more of my time is wedding planning, and at first I thought I wanted to share all the details--good, bad, and ugly--on this blog with anyone happening to read it. But then I realized just how personal and emotionally charged a lot of wedding planning really is, especially since Jeremy and I are going about it in a somewhat unconventional way. And I realized that I don't necessarily want to put all of that out there, for everyone to read.

Not to mention that probably not that many people would be interested in reading it, since it's not like everyone is constantly thinking about weddings.

And not to mention that there are countless other wedding blogs out there. 

And not to mention there is a lot more to life than just weddings.

I've been writing about my planning experience on the site Offbeat Bride, which has a private online community section for other people also actively planning their weddings. It's been great to connect and vent and brainstorm and get suggestions with thousands of other women who are going through just the same thing.

For a while I was considering just quietly letting this blog disappear, figuring that maybe sometime in the future I'd come back to it, or just start over again with a new blog entirely. But I was recently talking to a friend who also writes a blog and who updates it quite frequently and she gently recommended that I should consider picking up the blogging again. And I do like having an outlet where I can write regularly. So I think I'll give it another shot and see where it takes me. I'm not exactly sure what sorts of things I'll write about in here. I guess we'll all have to stay tuned and find out!

Ring things: Why I don't wear my engagement ring every day

Most ladies, when presented with engagement bling, are thrilled beyond words and barely take off their new jewelry acquisition (if they take it off at all--I know some gals who never remove their rings). I feel like I am already establishing myself as an offbeat bride because I rarely wear my engagement ring.

Before you think I'm some sort of ungrateful woman who doesn't appreciate her gentleman and the gorgeous token he's given her to symbolize their love and commitment, hear me out.

First off, my ring is the wrong size--it's too big. I wasn't sure of my ring size when I ordered my ring from the interwebs--I knew I was between a 5 and a 6--so I played it safe and ordered it a size too big. So even though it fits my finger, it's a bit loose and I was worried about losing it, especially since my fingers tend to contract in size in the winter cold. I wanted to wait to get it adjusted until after I had my wedding band (which I ordered in a size 5, which IS my real size, as you'll see below), so I could see how the two fit together, so in the meantime I went to a jeweler and had them put on an inexpensive ($10) temporary sizer.

The woman at this jewelry store seemed to think she knew more about my own body than I myself do. When I used a sizer to figure out my official size, I was pleased to see that yes, the 5 was indeed the size that felt comfortable on my finger. But the woman made me try on a 4.5 sizer, and that ended up being the size my ring was adjusted to.

"I think the 4.5 is a little tight on me," I said, as I gave the sizer a vigorous twist and pull to get it off my finger.

"No, you're a 4.5," she insisted.

"But it was sort of hard to get that ring off," I persisted, politely. "And my fingers swell in the summer."

"You had no difficulties removing the 4.5 ring," she said, a bit snootily. "That's your size."

I was not going to win here. I sighed and gave up. Fine. I was a 4.5. Whatever.

So since this woman wouldn't listen to me and sized my ring to a 4.5, my ring is just a tad tight, which means it squeezes my finger and gets a tad uncomfortable and leaves an imprint after I wear it for a whole day. So until I take it to get it officially sized in a month or two, I have to deal with the squeezing and the temporary finger disfigurement.

The other reason I don't wear my ring every day is that I work at home, alone. And it's not like I can't just wear the ring for myself, because I could, and I should if I want to, but I just don't think to put it on. Partly because it's a tad too tight as I just described, and partly because I'm just not used to wearing it.

An engagement ring is a very public symbol of a very private thing: a decision between two people to spend the rest of their lives together as a married couple. So maybe I don't remember to wear it when I'm home but I also don't feel the need to wear it, because I know and Jeremy knows that we're getting married, and that's good enough for me. I try to remember to wear it every time I go out, but I don't always remember then either. If I worked outside the home, would I wear it every day? Maybe. There would probably still be days when I forgot though. And I don't think it would be that big of a deal, to me or to Jeremy.

I love it. I love my ring. But I don't necessarily think it's more than that: a ring. A symbol. A beautiful one, but just a symbol. I don't need it to prove anything, because I feel like I have nothing to prove and no one to prove it to.

The life of a newly engaged lady

So! What does a newly engaged lady do in the days following her engagement? If that newly engaged lady is me, it goes something like this.

• Newly engaged lady (hereafter referred to as "NEL") excitedly shares the happy news with friends and family.
• NEL shows people her ring and is pleased when everyone oohs and aahs over how beautiful and unique it is. She feels slightly guilty that she is buying into the tradition of a lady receiving a diamond upon engagement, but not so much so that she doesn't enjoy the sparkle. She is, after all, a lover of gems.
• NEL has to explain that no, there was no formal proposal, so she has no sweeping grandiose tale of romance to relate. 
• NEL has to explain to over-eager friends and well-wishers that no, there are no wedding plans yet. She and Fiance plan to get married, hopefully within the year. But that's just about it. NEL starts to wonder just how much time other ladies devote to wedding planning, real or imagined, before they actually get engaged. NEL starts to wonder if there's something wrong with her because she was never one of those little girls who dreamed about her wedding. Instead she dreamed about having her artsy black-and-white author photo emblazoned on the dust jacket of an international best-seller (that she has yet to write).
• NEL uses a birthday Amazon gift certificate to order a bunch of budget wedding planning books, including Offbeat Bride, the book that led to the greatest website ever for the newly engaged. 
• NEL finds a binder from her senior year in high school titled "The Sacrament of Marriage," a project wherein all senior year girls had to plan their own weddings, both from a religious perspective and a practical perspective. NEL laughs when she sees that her 17-year-old self imagined getting married at age 22. She laughs even harder when she sees that her wedding budget was under $5,000. Then she sighs and feels like crying a little bit.
• NEL travels back to Boston post-birthday-Thanksgiving-engagement-and-reunion-with-high-school-friends-whirlwind and feels the doldrums that come after a week of excitement and fun. She finds it hard to work, mostly because she's begun obsessing, just slightly, about her wedding. 
• NEL starts to seriously research things like venues and a bubble of panic begins to form inside of her when she realizes how expensive these things are.
• NEL starts to imagine a wedding with only 50 guests. Then 30. Then 10. Then she begins to imagine how wonderful (and affordable!) eloping would be.
• NEL decides that eloping is the only solution.
• NEL realizes that even though she never spent hours imagining her perfect dress or floral arrangements or first-dance song, she actually does want a real wedding, with a meaningful ceremony and surrounded by family and friends. Elopement is out of the question.
• Realizing this, NEL then faces the fact that it will cost a lot of money to have even a very simple, pared-down, classy yet unelaborate wedding.
• NEL spends several days feeling pit-of-the-stomach dread and several nights getting very little sleep because she cannot turn off her brain.
• NEL, in a state of sleep deprivation and complete financial paranoia, has a meltdown. 
• Fiance of NEL spends the evening comforting her as she sobs and snots and wails all over. Fiance of NEL wipes her tears away, assures her everything will be okay, reminds her that a wedding is a happy thing, tells her to relax, throws away her snot-covered tissues, and puts her to bed.
• NEL realizes she is marrying a gem who is right.
• NEL gets a good night's sleep and wakes up the next day confident that yes, she and Fiance can figure out a way to do this and stay happy.
• NEL brainstorms and researches and finds potential wedding venue and lots of money-saving ideas. 
• NEL feels much better and actually gets excited about the prospect of planning her wedding. Fiance is actually showing enthusiasm and contributing ideas too, which makes NEL extremely happy that this isn't going to turn into The Bride Show with Groom acting as a mere prop.
• NEL vows not to become a Bridezilla.
• NEL happily bakes a cinnamon chocolate chip sour cream coffee cake, which she is convinced is just a tiny bit responsible for Fiance wanting to marry her. Yes, it really is that good. (Recipe to follow!)

So there you have it. My life as a newly engaged lady, to date. I have no idea if this is how a typical newly engaged lady spends the first couple of weeks after getting engaged, but I'm sort of glad I had a meltdown early on. It gave me some much-needed perspective and helped me lighten up and remember that this should be FUN, not OMG WTF. Also, the wedding porn on Offbeat Bride helps me feel not quite so odd for wanting to do things my way.

Fun recipes, including coffee cake recipe, coming soon!

Big news and a big year ahead!

It amazes me that it's December already. My November went by in a blur. I don't like to make excuses for not blogging, but I do have my reasons for finding it hard to make the time to do it. My month was rather busy: deadlines for work, turning 30 (more on that in a minute), celebrating Thanksgiving, seeing old friends. Oh yeah, and getting engaged.

Hurrah!

Anyone who's known Jeremy and I for any period of time knows we've been together for a while now (6 years together, 8 years of knowing each other), so it's not like the news suddenly came out of nowhere. Jeremy and I had been talking about it for a while, but we finally just decided to make it official. (No, there was no proposal. I didn't want that, actually. We wanted to come to the decision together when the time was right.) He got me a lovely ring that is very me: it is delicate and different and vintage looking. (Photo below: props to my mama and her experimentation with her camera settings to find just the right one for a non-blurry close-up.) Part of me knew I didn't need a gem to make it official, but the other part of me just adores gems. I think I am a pretty even mix of traditional and offbeat. I made sure to wait until I found the perfect one though, and believe me: I looked at HUNDREDS of rings. I feel like I take after my maternal grandmother: she really loved jewelry and so do I. She had some fabulous pieces, and she, my mother, and I must all have the same size hands because all of her rings fit my mother and me perfectly. I found her wedding band set when I was home for Thanksgiving and part of me thought that perhaps I could have just used that for my own rings, but then I realized I just love the ring Jeremy got me and I like the idea of starting my own tradition. I look forward to wearing one of her rings on my own wedding day, though, to honor her in my own little way. My cousin did this and I like being part of that tradition.

And speaking of wedding days, no, no plans yet. But rest assured that as they come together, I will certainly share them here. (In a normal, oh-my-god-how-do-I-plan-a-wedding/look-at-this-cool-idea-and learn-from-it-or-enjoy-it way rather than as a BRIDEZILLA!)

I was so happy to turn 30 this year. I genuinely was. I have a job I enjoy, I like my apartment and neighborhood, I am feeling good about myself mentally and physically, I love my friends and my hobbies, and I have a man who loves me who I love dearly who I will be marrying. Pretty good year! I am excited for what the future will bring to us.

Jeremy and I share a birthday (November 21), and this year we decided to have a nice dinner together at Top of the Hub. It was great. We had a really nice meal and a great view, and it was nice to just have a night together to enjoy each other's company and know that soon we would be sharing the news of our engagement with our friends. And let me just say how awesome it has been to share our news. Everyone is so excited and supportive and showering us with happiness and good wishes and (among the most eager) wedding ideas. So thankful to have such great friends! A big beso to you all!