Wednesday Wisdom: Let go of labels

Since I've been thinking a lot this week about identity and how we choose to categorize ourselves (see Monday's post about Bridentity), I thought what better quote this week than one about letting go of labeling things. It's a human tendency to want to automatically label things so that we can better define and understand them within the context of our own individual lives. But sometimes this forces meanings where there are no meanings, or limits things, or holds us back. Sometimes the best thing we can do, rather than puzzle over something to excess or try to make something fit a preconceived notion, is to just let go and let it be.

*****

By becoming attached to names and forms, not realizing that they have no more basis than the activities of the mind itself, error arises and the way to emancipation is blocked.

—The Buddha, "Absolute Relativity" 

Tuesday Tricks and treats: A souper relationship

Caesar:
Who is it in the press that calls on me?
I hear a tongue shriller than all the music
Cry "Caesar!" Speak, Caesar is turn'd to hear.

Soothsayer:
Beware the ides of March.


Caesar:
What man is that?


Brutus:
A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.


Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19

Now that I've gotten that bit of Shakespeare out of the way (how could I not?), this week's Tricks and Treats plants us firmly in the kitchen!

TRICK: Here's a simple way to add some rich depth of flavor to your next homemade pot of soup. Saute your mirepoix in some form of fat before beginning your soup.

What's mirepoix? It's the "holy trinity" of aromatics that goes into flavoring many soups: onion, carrot, and celery, cut or diced and used as the basis of stock. Some soups just use mirepoix for creating the stock for the soup and then discards the vegetables once they've been leeched of their flavors. Other soups keep the mirepoix in them--for instance, bean or lentil soups. What does mirepoix mean? Check out the origins of this fancy French term here.

Next time you want an easy, filling, and scrumptious soup with that little extra boost of flavor, place a stock pot over medium-high heat. Once the pot is hot, add enough olive oil or melt enough butter to thinly coat the bottom of the pot and let it heat/melt. Add your mirepoix and let it sweat in the pot, stirring occasionally, until the onions get translucent and the veggies look like they've gotten heated up. I like to add a couple of minced cloves of garlic a few minutes after I put the veggies on the heat. After your veggies are sweaty, proceed with your soup recipe.

For an insanely ridonk mirepoix, saute diced bacon or pancetta until it releases its fat and gets nice and crisp. Remove the bacon to drain on paper towels, leaving the grease in the pot, and proceed as above. Crumble the bacon into your soup just before serving (or save it in a container in the fridge for a salad). Heavenly!

TREAT: Everyone knows about my unabashed and undying love for Julia Child. In my mind, she has no equal in her championing of the fact that everyone can and should cook and that everyone can and should learn classical techniques as a means for eating well and enjoying life. But I've read enough about Julia to now know how instrumental her husband Paul Child was in her life. Now I can't separate the two of them in my head--they act as a unit: Julia and Paul.

Their marriage was a true partnership, a relationship of give and take that was built upon mutual admiration, support, and affection. Paul wholeheartedly supported Julia's culinary aspirations, often washing dishes she used after her demonstration appearances. Their marriage is chronicled, warts and all, in his witty, lively style in the many letters he wrote to his twin brother, Charlie.

I recently found this charming blog post where the writer reprints a story he wrote after visiting with the Childs in the early 1980s. She cooked him a meal and he recorded some of Julia and Paul's conversation. I love how they share thoughts and complete each other's sentences. They truly share a brain--something Jeremy and I have started to notice more and more where at least once a day, often several times, one or the other of us will say something and the other will say, "I was just about to say that/I was just thinking that!" Or else we'll say the same thing at the same time. The once-a-day estimation is no exaggeration. It is one of the things that brings me the greatest joy about our partnership: that we are two individuals who very much make up a whole.

Julia and Paul's marriage is everything I aspire to in my own pending one. What other epic or noble marriages or partnerships can you think of that inspire you?

Running of the Brides: Exploring my Bridentity

On Friday, I went to the Running of the Brides, an event where sample bridal dresses are sold to the general public at a steep discount. The doors open at 8 am, and while some people are crazy enough to line up for hours prior just to get to run in and grab dresses first, I couldn't stomach this thought and waited to go around noon with a gal from the Offbeat Bride Tribe. The place was much emptier and calmer by then.

Why did I go? I'm not quite sure. From the start of the wedding-planning process, I haven't thought of myself as white gown material and haven't yet set foot in a bridal salon. Dress shopping has mostly consisted of ogling things online and trying on fancy dresses at department stores. In fact, sometimes I've worried that I'd end up like Carrie Bradshaw, who breaks out into hives when she tries on a wedding dress and has to be ripped out of it because she can't breathe. And yet I still felt drawn to go to this event, partly because I was curious and partly because I can't resist a bargain. I figured if nothing else, I'd meet a new friend, I'd get to try on different dress styles and see what looked best on my body, and hey, maybe I could find a plain off-white dress with a floaty skirt that lent itself to colorful embellishment by a seamstress.

My experience was interesting (and thankfully did not involve hyperventilation or hives, though I was quite nervous in the hours leading up to it) but ultimately disappointing. There weren't that many dresses in larger sizes. Many were size 10 or 12--but keep in mind that bridal dress sizes are larger than street clothes sizes because street clothes are vanity sized. So since I'm a 16 in real life (and yes, I am putting my real clothing size out there because SIZE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER AND SHOULD NEVER DICTATE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF! I am not ashamed of my size and never will be again, and you shouldn't be either, ever--you are amazing as you are!), I need a size 18 or larger in a bridal gown. Well, there were slim pickings for us zaftig girls. I don't know if there were just less larger dresses to begin with (my suspicion--the clothing industry is not kind to women with curves) or if all the curvy women came early and snatched everything up, but when I was there, it was hard to find things I'd fit into.

Also a problem was that many of the dresses, whether or not they were in my size, were sort of weird-looking or just plain ugly. Some of these made for fun as we tried them on and modeled them for each other. My companion tried on a polyester-type dress that had pink and white VELOUR floral accents on it. Yes, you read that right: VELOUR. It had a detachable train, with more velour accents, and a giant pink velour butt bow. Amazing!

 My dress is made of 100% Nana's couch!

I tried on a two-piece ensemble and had the first-time pleasure of being laced into a corset top. I felt like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. It doesn't show as much in this photo, but it was VERY gold--like shiny-like-foil gold. This photo is much more subdued and doesn't do the dress justice.

It's golden, baby! Oh so very GOLDEN.

Of the dresses that did fit me, a few had silhouettes that were quite flattering on my body and that I didn't dislike, but none of the dresses spoke to me. I didn't feel at all like a bride in them; I didn't feel comfortable in them. No matter how well they fit or how lovely they were, I just didn't feel like myself in any of them. They weren't true to who I am. The long trains and the white, the sea of white--just not for me. I showed Jeremy a photo of a dress that was flattering on me and he said, "That's the kind of dress a mom would want to see her daughter in."

If the photographer has to urge you to smile, you know the dress isn't for you.

I'm having a real struggle with the dress portion of our wedding. I think it's where I'm feeling the most disconnect between fantasy and reality. I'm having a lot of trouble seeing myself as a bride. I can envision myself as a wife, and this thought actually brings me a lot of happiness and fulfillment, because I am looking forward to being one half of Team Tridal officially. But I haven't quite incorporated the role of bride into my current identity--it doesn't feel like a part of who I am right now. I think that's why I felt a little let down after I got home from this event--or maybe I should be secretly rejoicing, who knows. I just could not identify with this part that I shared in common with all the other women in that room--a bride.

I seem so much NOT a bride. The woman dressed up in white with a veil and presented to her groom--it's so very much not who I am. It's so antithetical to everything about me. I am independent, vivacious, bold, loud, colorful, and in this white dress, I felt squelched, like I needed to be meek and smiling sweetly and faking innocence. I felt like I was shrinking into a shell of myself. The dress felt like a costume for a role in a play I did not want. I want to throw away that script and start over. I want to rewrite things my way, so they fit with who I actually am and what my real role is within this relationship, this wedding, this marriage. The white dress doesn't fit with any of that. In it, I felt imprisoned and subdued.

On my wedding day, I don't really want to be a bride is what this ultimately comes down to. I just want to be me, on a day when I happen to be marrying my dearest friend and entering into a partnership of husband and wife. I want to look beautiful, which Jeremy has assured me I will, no matter what I wear. I want to wear something that celebrates ME: me as an individual, as who I am before the wedding and who I will be after it. Me, all of me, the parts that make me an individual, the things that make me strong and weak, the good and the bad--but it must all be real. I don't want anything inauthentic about this day; I do not want to step into this marriage not feeling completely at home in my own skin and whatever it is I chose to wear on my skin. So even though my experience at Running of the Brides was probably rather different from what many women think of when they envision a white dress--romance, excitement, beauty--it did at least help affirm for me that I am absolutely not a white dress kind of gal. And I am 110% okay with that.

All aboard the crazy train.

Friday Finds: Pinterest

Recently my friend Jill of Looks and Books introduced me to a site called Pinterest. Pinterest is like a virtual bulletin board of awesomeness. You install a small button on your browser bookmarks toolbar and then use it to "pin" photos to any number of virtual inspiration boards you create. What's cool is that it's near-effortless. When you're on a site with a picture you like, just click the "Pin It" button and select the picture you want to pin. Then select which board it will go on and write up a description if you wish. Ta-da! There it is. (OMG ADDICTIVE.)

You can ogle other people's inspiration boards and follow people, and you can also let more than one person "curate" a board, which makes it social. You can even repin their pins. I feel like I must have good taste, because in the week that I've used Pinterest, quite a few of my pins have been repinned by others. They wouldn't do that if they weren't awesome, right? :)

The site has been really helpful in collecting pictures for my wedding planning activities--rather than just save dozens of bookmarks just to my home computer, I can save them to the specific Pinterest board and can access them from anywhere. I also have boards for fun jewelry, cute housewares, and adorable animals. :)

The site is still sort of beta-y, with an invitation-only model, so if anyone wants an invite, let me know! :) Come check out my pins and ogle all the amazing things the internet has to offer, neatly organized by other internet oglers. 

One of my favorite necklaces, currently pinned to my "Gorgeous Gems" board. :) (C'mon, how could I not have a board dedicated to gems?)

Wednesday Wisdom: Miracles

This week's wisdom is a quote you might have heard before--I certainly have, but I've never stopped loving this one. I feel like now is a particularly appropriate time to reflect on this quote again because a miracle is unfolding in our midst: spring is coming. After a particularly brutal and seemingly endless winter here in the northeast, the days are getting longer, the temperatures are getting warmer, the air is starting to carry that whiff of spring instead of that biting winter sting. Could it be--miracle of miracles!--that we are approaching sandal weather?  


What are the small things in your life that you usually consider quite ordinary but that, upon further introspection, you realize are actually rather miraculous?


*****

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

- Albert Einstein

Tuesday Tricks and Treats: smells like 2 minutes of nothing

Here's my second installment of Tricks and Treats!

TRICK: It really sucks not having a garbage disposal. I was spoiled in the home I grew up in and my first two apartments in Boston, as they all had garbage disposals. But alas, my last and current apartments don't have disposals. I hate it, because let's face the unpleasantry: garbage can really start to smell funky, especially when it's full of food, and especially when it's warmer out. Even those odor-eliminating trash bags (which we use, and which do help some) can't cut out the funk when it's really bad.


We've devised a two-fold solution for dealing with the stink in my house. First off, save those metal cans your coffee comes in. We use ours as mini trash cans for food rubbish. The lids are tight sealing, which prevents the stink. Whenever we're cooking, say, some sort of meat or using veggies, we put the trimmings and trash into an empty coffee can, seal the lid on tight, and voila. No more funky odors emanating from the trash can. I've even had a couple of instances where I've kept a non-full can handy to toss extra trash into the next day without any stink issues.

Second, keep a small bowl filled with some white vinegar by your trash can. This really helps to absorb odors, and chances are it's already in your house. No need to buy a bunch of expensive air fresheners. This is natural, cheap, and effective. Replace the vinegar as needed (it evaporates after a while).

TREAT: Can you do nothing for two minutes? Click on this link and try it. Did you pass? Did you fail?

In our hyper-connected world, it's healthy to regularly take breaks to recharge your eyes and mind, and this website forces us to try it. Even if you don't access the site, try taking a few minutes for yourself to do nothing: no surfing the net, no texting, no to-do-list composing--NOTHING. Could you do it? How did you feel?

Fat Tuesday approaches!

I was raised Catholic, so for many of my earlier years, I was usually encouraged to give up something for Lent. Lent is the 40 day period leading up to Easter, and it is considered the holiest time of the year for Christians. Taking this time to sacrifice some pleasure of the flesh is supposed to remind you of the sacrifice Jesus made by dying on the cross for your sins and the sins of all humanity. Whoa. Heavy.

As a child, I usually gave up sweets--candy, ice cream, dessert. These were real treats and not having them for a little over a month truly was a sacrifice. But I didn't really think about the meaning behind doing this, and as time passed and I grew older, I abandoned the practice of giving up something in the same way that I abandoned most of the vestments of being a practicing Catholic. I still believe there is a higher power, but I don't necessarily hold to or agree with some of the teachings and rituals of Christianity. (I could go on about organized religion, but I won't. To each person their own. Live and let live.)

People often give up food as their Lenten sacrifice because it's such a universally accessible pleasure. We all have our favorites, and spending 40 days not having it can serve as a reminder that not only do we not always get what we want, but also that others aren't as fortunate as we are. At least that's how I choose to look at it--a reminder that I am a lucky person who can eat chocolate whenever she wants to.

But lately I've been going through a lot of personal work on food and body image issues (another post for another day!), and I've reached a point where I fully understand that if I don't let myself have a certain food, I most certainly go out of my way, at some point in the future, to have it, and have it good, to the point of binging, which then makes me feel bad, which then makes me deprive myself again, which leads to a vicious cycle. I don't want to toy with the still-fragile state I'm in, so instead I've chosen to give up another pleasure: sleeping in.

I've never been a morning person and I've always loved to sleep in. Now that I work from home, without a fixed schedule and with a business partner who also has night owl tendencies, I find myself sleeping in more and more every day. At first I really tried hard to stick to a schedule of getting up and out of bed by 8 am, so I could enjoy my breakfast and morning routine and still be at my desk pretty early. Now I find myself hitting the snooze button, staying up at night later and later, and it's thrown my schedule way off. I keep trying to readjust it back to more "normal" hours, but like they say: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

So I've decided that after tomorrow, my last day to indulge in the sleepiness, I will start getting up at 8 am again. And I will start going to bed early again. Keeping a college sleep schedule worked in college when I was 19. Now I'm 30, and it doesn't work so well. I know that initially it will be a struggle, but it will pay off in the long run. This getting up early applies to weekends too. I want to be sure I don't throw off the schedule and I want to see what it's like to greet a weekend without staying in bed until 11 am. I often feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done--keeping a regular, normal sleep schedule will probably help that.

Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, are you giving anything up this year? What will it be?