Top Chef, season 6, episode 9

Good grief, I go away on vacation and everything goes to hell! Well, not completely to hell, but I have been slacking on updating. In my defense my life was immensely busy when I got back to Boston from PA, and I have also been suffering from seriously congested sinuses that sapped me of my energy and will to do anything.  But a good stiff dose of Sudafed plus Afrin has helped my congestion and it's the start of the weekend, so I'm finally back in the blogging saddle.

First off, I'm behind on Top Chef! Blargh! I missed the episode that was on this Wednesday because I was out with some friends, but instead of the episode being available on the On Demand Bravo channel, it is nowhere to be found. And the episode doesn't appear to be re-running on Bravo anytime this weekend. WTF people? Isn't the point of On Demand that things appear after they air on TV so you can then watch them and get caught up? The latest episode isn't even available on Hulu or Fancast. OMG! I'm so annoyed! I won't even let myself go on the Bravo site because I don't want to ruin watching the next episode. (Which means there won't be a picture of Laurine on this post.)

So... RESTAURANT WARS! Quite possibly the best episode of Top Chef. I was excited for it last week. And when I saw Laurine, Kevin, Jennifer, and Mike on a team together, I thought, well this is going to be pretty good! I know the Voltaggio brothers are awesome, but Eli and Robin aren't necessarily the strongest, and so I really did think that the other team would do better. I was so sadly let down. The team just didn't do well. Some of their food was uninspiring (asparagus? REALLY?), and some of it just wasn't well prepared. Laurine just fell apart. She did a poor job running the front of the house. She didn't even bother to explain her team's dishes to the judges! FAIL.  And no dessert? DOUBLE FAIL.

Meanwhile, the other team had some rough spots (I understand why they named their restaurant REVOLT, after Robin, Eli, and Voltaggio brothers, but WHO wants to associate that word with food? NO ONE, that's who), but in the end, they did so well. Michael was a dick to Robin over the dessert she was preparing, but then it ended up being one of the best dishes served that night. So I thought they deserved the win for sure. And I really did think Laurine deserved to go home. She admitted in the episode that she wasn't excited about doing the front of the house, so why didn't she speak up and say she shouldn't do it? Mike Isabella, as much of a DB as he might be, would have been much better, because he can turn up the charm when he needs to. Laurine just did not do well as the one running the front of the house, and she took out pieces of lamb that were nearly raw. No good! And while she seems like a lovely person, she just wasn't a "wow" cheftestant to me.

The Quickfire challenge was pretty interesting, like playing whisper down the lane with food. I wonder if I'd be able to do something like that---might be sort of fun to do with friends! Trying to figure out what someone is thinking in terms of food. 

Now I have to wait and stalk On Demand and Bravo until they replay the next episode so I can write about that one, but in the meantime I'll try to keep everyone entertained. And tomorrow morning: Jose Andres's olive oil pancakes (WITH MAPLE CREAM) and bran muffins. Hurrah!

CHEFTESTANT FAIL #10!

Top Chef, season 6, episode 8

Oh, coming back from vacation is a hard and painful thing to do. Especially when you didn't have any cable over your vacation and you've only just caught up with your shows.

How delighted was I, lover of all things pork, to see that the latest episode of Top Chef featured a challenge at an event called PIGS AND PINOT. OMG! Pork! Wine! Perfection! Charlie Palmer might be my new food hero. (Don't worry Mark and Jose, I still hold you both closely to my little heart.) Can I just mention how MUCH I want to go to this event next year? (It's in March, time to get out the travel planner!)

I don't actually drink red wine, regrettably, because I get terrible headaches from it (as does my mother). I've had these terrible headaches anytime I've been given medicines with sulfates in them, and the sulfites in red wine are what does me in. It's a shame, because I'd really like to be able to enjoy red wine, but I just don't want to have to pay for it with a borderline migraine later. Alas!

I LOVE KEVIN. I love that he loves pork, I love that he has a pig tattoo, I love that he is so calm and level-headed, and I love that he is so thoughtful about everything he does. Oh, chubby nerd, I love you. (Don't worry, Jeremy, you're the only one for me at the end of the day!)

But it hurt my heart to see Ash do what he did to that tenderloin. Oh, Ash. I adore pork tenderloin. ADORE IT. My mother makes a pork tenderloin every year for Christmas Eve dinner, and I have to say that what she does to it is nothing short of a celebration of the pork. It's so simple: she marinates it in mojo, a Cuban gravy (this warrants its own future entry, trust me), which is olive oil, garlic, lemon, and citrus. So simple, so easy. SO scrumptious. It marinates overnight and roasts in a special roaster bag for hours and hours. It is a heavenly, soft, melty party in your mouth. But Ash's cold little slices of tenderloin just didn't look yummy. Don't be chillin' that shit! Serve it warm! Serve it with some scrumptious, light sauce and some fantastic side dishes (black beans and rice!) and let the fiesta start.

I was sad to see Ash go because he's a nice gent, but I wasn't surprised. He just hasn't been doing well at all. He's been in the bottom a lot, he second-guesses himself, and he also seems to defer to other chefs as being more talented than him. It's one thing to admit that you are among strong and talented competition, but you need a level of self-confidence and "I'm all that" to be on this show. For as much as I hate Mike Isabella, he has the right attitude toward this show: I'm awesome and I'm going to win. You need to have this attitude if you're really going to go far and win. That said, I REALLY hope he doesn't win.

And the next episode: RESTAURANT WARS! Sorry, I'm using too many capitals in this entry, but I'm really excited. This is the best episode of Top Chef!

Also... Toby Young compared wine to armpits. Only Toby Young compares wine to armpits.

CHEFTESTANT FAIL # 9!

Cake Wrecks

Is it just me, or is the New York Times drastically behind on the news?

Okay... I don't think it is just me. Because they just ran an article on the popularity of the website Cake Wrecks.

I LOVE this website. I can spend a hearty half-hour taking a break from work guffawing as silently as possible at the edible monstrosities on this site. It's completely fabulous. I was alerted to the existence of this site last summer by a temp at my office who also thought it was hilarious. And I think that at that point, a year and a half ago, the website was already gaining a lot of popularity on the web. If you have not yet had the sheer, insanely hilarious joy of visiting this site, go there now. Please!

And yet it was just a couple of days ago that the Times just ran an article on the website. Now I'm not the most hip and with-it person around, especially when it comes to the internet, but I do at least have a pinky finger in the pool of popular culture. Unlike some prestigious news media. Thanks, New York Behind-the-Times.

The (edible) joys of Pennsylvania

Ah, vacation. I admit that I love it, but has definitely been a little weird not to be cooking all the time. I feel almost... uneasy not having my Bittman bible. I was tempted to try to wedge it into my suitcase, but you try cramming a 1,000-plus page cookbook into an already overflowing suitcase. I did just make some oatmeal-esque muffins (using a 5-grain blend), so that felt good.

But I haven't been neglecting food entirely; I have been eating it with gusto because Philly is a good place for (bad-for-you) food. First off, cheesesteaks. Duh. Of course. It had been a while since I'd had a scrumptious, greasy, Whiz-covered classic, so my friend Kris graciously accompanied me on a chilly evening to Pat's on 9th and Passyunk (points if you can pronounce that correctly) and we chowed down on steaks. Oh heaven on a roll. The trick to eating a cheesesteak covered in Cheez Whiz is to eat fast: as the hot, melty cheese product cools, it starts to congeal, and it makes the gobs of Whiz-coated thin-sliced meat harder to chew. And let's face it: it's so delicious, how could you NOT cram it down your throat post-haste? I must note here that should you ever travel to Philadelphia, DO NOT eat a cheesesteak at Geno's, which is across the street from Pat's. Just don't. Their steaks suck AND the owner is a bigot who (rightly) got a lot of flak for posting a sign a couple of years ago that said: "This is America. When ordering, speak English." Because the fact that his restaurant is located in an immigrant neighborhood AND the fact that you don't really speak English when ordering a cheeseteak (asking for "Whiz wit" barely constitutes the queen's English) sort of escaped him. Ignorant bastard.

Another joy of being in Pennsylvania is Tastykakes. Oh Tastykakes, how I love thee. Let me count the ways. 1: Butterscotch Krimpets. 2: Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes. 3: Koffee Kake Cupcakes. 4: Well.... you get the idea. Peruse their website for a full list. But the real joy of Tastykakes on this visit, for me, is that among some of their limited-edition autumnal flavors (ginger spice cookie bars, spice cake Krimpets) I found the fabled PANCAKE KRIMPETS.

Pancake Krimpets! OMG! These are a true joy. A traditional Krimpet consists of a sponge cake with a cream filling and a lovely butterscotch frosting. These are sponge cakes filled with butter cream and topped with maple syrup frosting. They taste like a pancake, in Krimpet form. Oh, the joy! My friend Brie had told me about these a while ago, saying she had seen them in stores a couple of years ago, and ever since she told me about them, I've been (disappointingly) on the look-out for them. I had nearly given up hope of ever getting to try these glorious mythical concoctions when alas! There they were in my local Giant supermarket. Hurrah! They have not disappointed. If you're in PA, make haste to a supermarket and get your paws on them before they disappear. Or order them from the Tastykake website. I plan to stock up on them for the trip back to Boston.

Krimpets... I think---no, I know---I love you!




On Saturday, I'm going to a local Indian buffet with Brie for lunch. This place is excellent so I'm sure I'll have lots to say after we eat there. And of course, there's Wawa, which apparently has pumpkin spice cappucino that I just gotta try.

Also, my parents DON'T have cable, so I have to wait until (gasp) Sunday (!!!) to catch up on Top Chef. So shhh! Don't breathe a word of what happens!! Vacation does have its downsides, I suppose.

Zucchini lemon cookies + kitchen sink pasta with zucchini and white wine cream sauce

Hurrah for zucchini! I'm going out of town tomorrow (heading to PA for a week of vacation and going to a friend's wedding), so I wanted to use up the second zucchini from the farmers' market before leaving.

I found this recipe for zucchini lemon cookies that looked really simple--plus I had some lemons at home so I figured, why not? These cookies were pretty easy to put together; the only time-consuming tasks were grating the lemon zest and zucchini, but my microplane and mandolin made easy work of those.

I'd suggest doing the same parchment paper trick when you go to bake these cookies, and putting them in a 375 degree oven won't be a problem. I baked mine for about 13-14 minutes and they came out really well: light brown on the bottom with pale, puffed centers. These cookies are scrumptious... really like soft little tea cakes. They stay very soft and moist, thanks to the zucchini. And speaking of which, they do mostly taste of lemon (there's a lot of zest in there!), but they have a little hint of the zucchini here and there. And they just look beautiful, with the bits of yellow and green speckling the pale rounded surfaces. Highly recommended! I took some to work and they were gobbled up. Everyone was pleasantly surprised by the flavor combo and the softness.

I used the other half of the zucchini with some pasta. We had leftover linguine from our grown-up hamburger helper, and while that cooked I steamed the zucchini (sliced into thin rounds). After the pasta cooked, I melted the bit of butter left over from the cookies and sauteed a clove of garlic with the zucchini. Then I added some dry white wine, a bit of heavy cream, and a grating of fresh parmesan cheese. I threw in a spoonful of flour to thicken the sauce, and added some salt.

Like whoa. For being a meal of leftovers ("kitchen sink" pasta, as Jeremy calls these dishes when we throw together a bunch of stuff with pasta), it was really quite delicious. Anything made with cream is always delicious. When white wine is added, even more so. I was pretty pleased that I found a way to use up a bunch of leftovers in a delicious, make-it-up-as-I-go kind of way.

So I'm off to PA tomorrow! I'm hoping to have lots of foodie adventures while I'm home, so I'll be sure to share as many as I can here. Bon voyage to myself!

Top Chef, season 6, episode 7

Okay, seriously? Seriously. WTF was Padma wearing last night?

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be discussing Top Chef and talking about the food and the cooking and not acting like this is an episode of Project Runway, but seriously. Indulge me for a minute and let me talk about this. Holy bicycling Christ, did she look horrendous. She was wearing this sort of billowy sleeveless green top, which was fine---but then her skintight pants were exactly the same color.

I ask you: WTF? How was this outfit okay? How did the producers of the show allow her to appear looking like this?

Although Padma has been having quite a few fashion fails lately; remember her dress at the Emmys? The one that looked like entrails were gushing out of one side of her torso?











Ugh! Anyway, I'm going on a tangent and I should stick to talking about the food, but it's just too irresistably fun to bash someone for their freakish sense of style. Not to mention there is something about Padma that seems... not quite right. Maybe it's because she speaks in a monotone and always has exactly the same facial expression? Is she heavily medicated? Is she really an alien?

So! My love, chubby nerd Kevin, won the Quickfire challenge and took the money, which I thought was a smart decision and which I certainly would have done as well. Can he do no wrong? Apparently, no. The fact that he and Jennifer won the Elimination Challenge made me happy as well, because I think they are my two favorites.  At last I'm warming up to Jennifer. Yes, she's a rather brash individual, and a tough cookie, but maybe that harsh exterior of "don't fuck with me because I will cut you" is endearing rather than off-putting to me. I think the final clincher was when I saw her get teary-eyed saying goodbye to Ashley. Then I was like, oh, you have a heart, you feel emotion, I like you.

And speaking of Ashley, I thought her dish (made with Eli) just looked utterly repulsive. There was not one thing about that dish that I wanted to have anything to do with. Probably because beets repulse me. They are the one food I simply cannot get into; they just gross me out. The beet cream, combined with the over-salted gnocchi and the undercooked prawns.... well, it was just a mess. I didn't get how any of it was supposed to work together, even if it had been perfectly executed. How do prawns, gnocchi, and beets in any way, shape, or form suggest being put together in that way?

And I hate Mike. I hate him and he just needs to go home. Granted, Robin is super annoying and has logorrhea, but that's no reason to be a dick to her, because despite her faults, she is nice. He was totally mean to her during the team challenge, taking over even though he had no Asian cooking experience and she had tons, he wouldn't let her do any tasks except menial ones, and he was completely condescending when Tom came around to check in and he treated it as if it were all his challenge, not one he was sharing with a partner. DICK. He needs to go home, pronto. Let's hope that happens soon. As in next episode.

Ah well, Ashley, we bid you adieu. Interesting, Jeremy knows someone who knows someone who looks just like Ashley. But this person is a he, and apparently he has lately been getting approached all the time and asked if he has ever watched the show Top Chef. Awesome! I salute you, gender-neutral contestant!

CHEFTESTANT FAIL #8!

The bran muffin, reinvented

Is there anything un-sexier than bran? Perhaps the effects of eating a lot of it, but I digress! Bran is an oft-disparaged food yet it's important to our diets. We could all use more fiber, but let's face it: it can be really freaking difficult to fill oneself with all that roughagey goodness.

And is there any muffin more un-thrilling than the bran muffin? I thought this, placing them in my head low down in the muffin pecking order below chocolate, blueberry, and corn. That's until I discovered the bran muffin recipe in Nicole Rees's absolutely fantastic Baking Unplugged (my new bible of all things baked). The woman makes them with bran cereal soaked in buttermilk. Wait. Read that line again. Buttermilk. YES. EVERYTHING is made better with buttermilk!

These muffins are delicious. They are filling, and yet they stay moist and fluffy, thanks to the buttermilk, and they also have a slightly sweet taste to them that isn't cloying or desserty. This ain't your typical dark brown, super dense, saw-dusty, jaw-workout bran muffin!

I made a batch on Sunday and tossed each muffin in a zipper-top sandwich baggie, keeping a few out for quick mid-morning snacks at work, and stowing the rest in the freezer. To serve, just pop the frozen muffin in the microwave for 30 seconds to a minute. No need to thaw.

Hurrah! Don't delay; make these muffins today. Your digestive system will thank you.

Bran Cereal Muffins by Nicole Rees

• 1 3/4 cups buttermilk
• 1/3 cup oil
• 1 large egg
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 cups All-Bran cereal
• 1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup raisins (optional; I didn't use them)

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Butter and flour a 12-cup muffin pan. (I use the spray that's available now that's specifically for baking, that already has flour in it. It's good stuff.) In a medium bowl, whisk together the buttermilk, oil, egg, and sugar until smooth. Stir in the cereal and soak for 15 minutes; cereal will swell and soften in the liquid.

2. In another medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt until well combined. Stir in raisins if desired.

3. Gently fold the flour mixture into the wet cereal mixture until just combined. The batter will thicken almost immediately as the baking soda reacts with the buttermilk. Do not stir after this point to avoid deflating the batter.

4. Get out your trusty ice cream scoop and dole the batter out into the muffin cups. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into a muffin comes out clean. Let cool in the pan for 2 to 3 minutes then transfer them to a wire rack to cool completely. Bite into a warm muffin and revel in the goodness that is the bran muffin, reinvented.